The 15 Worst First Dates You’ve Ever Seen

Jun 28, 2018

Let’s face it, we’ve all been on some bad dates. But the great thing about them is that they can produce some hilarious worst date stories! Here we’ve collected some of the best funny first date stories, whether they make you laugh or wince in sympathy.

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1# Funny online dating stories: Broken leg, broken heart

One poor woman went on a terrible Tinder date which ended with her tripping over a kerb and breaking her fibula as she tried to dodge the guy’s goodnight kiss. Instead of helping her, he suggested that they could tell people that they ‘fell’ for each other!

2# Funny first date stories: Not so smooth criminal

Another woman was excited to be picked up from work for a first date with a guy, until he turned up dressed as Michael Jackson. 

He collected her from her desk complete with face mask and tape around his fingertips. The blond hair was what really set the whole thing off, apparently!

3# Bad dates: Perhaps she was nervous

One woman met up at a brewery for a bad date with another woman who spent most of their date telling her about her favourite public bathrooms. 

Apparently the best one was the darkest one she’d ever seen, and her second favourite had doors that didn’t lock. Good to know…?

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4# Worst first date stories: Knife to meet you

One man was set up on a blind date with friends who swore he would ‘love her’. 

So far so good, but she got more and more possessive and clingy even though they’d just met. 

He excused himself to go to the gents’, but she followed him, accused him of running off to flirt with the waitress, and literally stabbed him! He says that there was no second date.

5# Worst date stories: Just a little light racism

A woman went on an awful date where the guy kept insisting she must be part Chinese. No matter how often she insisted that she was 100% Irish, he simply would not give up. Who doesn’t love a little casual racism on a date?!

6# Funny first date stories: Meet the parents

Another woman drove for 45 minutes to meet a guy at his house. 

They talked by the marina for a while and went back to his house, where he introduced her to his parents. Sounds nice, right? Well, the parents were on the back patio, admiring the stars - in their underwear.

7# Funny first date stories: Ghosted

One man tells the story of the bad blind date he went on when his date turned up at the restaurant they’d agreed to meet at, and didn’t say a single word all night. 

She finished her meal and left, still without speaking. He checked his phone afterward to find a message from the girl he’d been supposed to meet, telling him that she couldn’t make it…

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8# Funny online dating stories: Tit for tat

A girl who met up with her tinder date in a bar was shocked when his first words to her were to tell her that he thought she’d be thinner! 

She recovered quickly, however, picking up his drink and pouring it in his lap. She told him that she’d thought he’d be smarter, went home, and ordered a pizza.

9# Worst date stories: Well, this is awkward

A woman got a traffic ticket a couple of hours before the blind date her friend had set her up on. 

Her day didn’t improve much when she turned up to meet her date - the cop who had given her the ticket…

10# Worst first date stories: The dine-and-dash

One man was on a date with a guy that seemed to be going well. Conversation was flowing and they seemed to be getting on like a house on fire. 

That is, until he went to the bathroom - when he came back his date had left, and put some money on the table for his share of the meal. Ouch.

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11# Worst first dates: Meet the parents II

One woman was less than pleased when her date turned up with his parents to the restaurant where they’d agreed to meet. 

Worse, halfway through the meal, his mother asked her if she was going to finish her food. She then proceeded to take some tin foil out of her bag to wrap up the leftovers!

12# Bad dates: All choked up

A woman was horrified when her date began to choke on his omelette. The two good things about this terrible date? He survived, and they later got married. So some bad dates have happy endings, after all!

13# Worst first dates: The Mrs Doubtfire

On a terrible date with a man, one woman was perplexed when he spent a lot of time going to the toilets and stepping out to take phone calls. 

Finally the waiter took pity, and told her that he was at another table in the same restaurant with another woman! (We hope he told the other woman as well.)

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14# Funny online dating stories: Not suitable for kids

One couple agreed to meet to see a movie - he drove, and she picked the film. 

When they arrived at the cinema it turned out that the movie was an 18; he panicked and told her he had to call his mother to get permission to watch it. She said no, and the date ended. The best part? They were both 21 at the time…

15# Bad dates: Bad breath

One man was invited to a girl’s house for their first date, where she cooked him a meal. 

Instead of using the two cloves of garlic that the recipe called for, however, she used two bulbs. They were both sweating garlic for a month, but all’s well that ends well - they’re the second couple on our list who ended up married!

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